Every once in a while I hear someone say that they have no interest in living longer. When I ask them if they want my advice to help them die sooner they become perplexed and say “No, that’s okay. I’m not ready to die yet”. Most of these individuals are just not motivated to improve their health, but they apparently are not too motivated to die sooner either.
To be fair some of these individuals are in poor health to begin with, or are going through an emotionally stressful period and see no hope for a brighter future. Many of them seem content to be on medications. But, as Bill Maher says, “The answer isn’t another pill”. One by-product of our current approach to medicine is that we enable patients to live longer but in a poor state of health. That’s not how it should be. Our goal with our patients and with this website is to help people live longer younger by focusing on achieving an optimal state of health.
But, for those of you who want to age faster and die younger this article is for you. It’s a still a free country and thus far premature dying is not illegal. Plus, it’s your health. Go for it. For best results and a more timely death adopt all five killer habits listed below.
Five Killer Habits to Age Faster
- Seek out more stress.
- Gain weight.
- Start smoking.
- Consume as much sugar as possible.
- Watch more television.
Stress: A Cheap Way to Die Younger
Stress will do more to shorten your life span than will smoking or being obese. And, the beauty is you can always find more stress if checking out early is your goal in life. Stress comes in many forms: loss of job or income, illness, divorce, death of a loved one, sitting in traffic, and uncertainty of any kind to name a few.
Chronic stress has been shown in women to shorten their telomeres (marker of aging) and life expectancy by 10 years. The other nice thing about stress is that it is usually free unlike smoking or eating.
Get Fatter for a Faster Demise
Obesity shortens telomeres and life expectancy by 8.8 years. And, it’s easy to gain weight if an early demise is your goal. Eating sugar will get you fatter faster than eating more fat. So if you’re going to get fat do it right – eat more sugar. The key is to know all the names of sugar so that you can take full advantage of all the sugar laden foods out there. See It’s Still Sugar: Don’t Be Fooled By The Many Names Of Sugar. Don’t ruin a good thing by exercising to burn off those extra calories – that would be self-defeating.
Smoking: A Slower Faster Death
You can certainly puff years away with smoking. But, compared to stress and obesity, smoking will kill you more slowly. Smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for 40 years takes a mere 7.4 years of your life based on telomere shortening. For those of you who quit smoking don’t be discouraged as you have at least shorten your life by 4.6 years. Pick up one of the other killer habits and you can get yourself right back on track to a quicker premature death.
Sugar: The Sweetest Way to Die Early
Sugar does many things to hasten your expiration date, plus it’s the only thing on the list that tastes grrrreat (Frosted Flakes are great place to find sugar). Sugar will make you fatter. It causes inflammation. It deactivates proteins and hormones in the body. It increases oxidation and free radical generation. Sugar is probably the perfect anti “anti-aging drug”. You can find sugar nearly everywhere so there’s no excuse not to eat it.
TV: Watch Yourself to Death
Thirty minutes of watching television is similar to smoking one cigarette and will cost you 11 minutes of life. An easy way to take 4.4 hours off your life is to watch college football on Saturdays from 12 noon to 12 midnight. Do that for 12 weeks of the regular college football season and you have masterfully shortened your life by 52.8 hours or 2.2 days. Throw in some sugary foods and get stressed because your favorite team lost in overtime and you can easily run more time off your clock.
When you do the math you will find that watching 12 hours of football on television is more effective at decreasing your life span than smoking a pack of cigarettes during that same time. Eleven minutes times 20 cigarettes equals 220 minutes or 3.67 hours which is less than the 4.4 hours from watching 12 hours of television.
If you really dislike yourself and have a death wish watch 12 hours of football on TV and smoke a pack of cigarettes at the same time.
There are plenty of steps you can take to age faster and die younger. There’s a good chance you are already engaged in one of these “killer” habits. Why stop there?
For those of you who truly wish to age faster and die younger I hope you found this information useful. For those of you who desire to age more healthy and live longer I hope you found this information helpful as well. To each his own.
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